I'm So Hungry
If I were to honestly answer the question "How are you doing?" I would say "I'm hungry." Not "hungry" as in, I'm dieting and want to eat everything in sight, "hungry" like I'm unsatisfied with my current life. That feels like a very unchristian statement and truthfully I have been struggling with why and how I could feel so empty when I am filled with the very Spirit of God! For the past few weeks I have been angry and ashamed at my need - feeling that somehow the hunger itself was sinful or wrong, but today, through a series of conversations with God, I am beginning to see that the hunger is good and God-designed and a blessing. Let me explain.
Have you ever wondered why God made us so frail? Why our knees get messed up so easily or why we have to sleep each night in order to function? Why is it that God designed our bodies to need food and water throughout the day, every day - it's like He designed us to be constantly dependent. Hmm. And following that same line of thought, why is it that when God gives us a new heart "satisfied" is not the default setting? Shouldn't we constantly feel full and happy and satisfied when God's Spirit indwells us? He could have designed us that way, so why didn't He?
The answer feels romantic - relational at the least.
He wants us to come to Him daily.
He wants to give Himself to us over and over and over again.
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Our hearts are programmed to constantly cry out "Satisfy me!" and that prayer is not sinful or wrong or needy. God Himself wove that prayer into our souls! We only get into trouble when we cry out to the wrong things.
We look to sex and money and fame and food and health and family and material possessions and demand "Satisfy me!" but they can't. They never will.
Our hearts were made to hunger - daily - hourly - because we belong to a God who wants to fill us over and over and over again.
And when I view my hunger through this lens I feel less weak and angry. I feel surprisingly loved.
He wants to see me today. He wants to talk with me and listen to me and care for me today. What kind of God is this?!?
Last year I felt so full - overflowingly full. And then something changed. I don't know if I got tired of being so happy or if I just thought I could coast for awhile on all the rich spiritual food and drink I'd gobbled down. But that's not how our bodies work, and that's not how our hearts work either. Salvation happens in a moment but satisfaction happens one drink, one meal, one communion at a time.
Is your soul hungry? Give thanks for your hunger and let it lead you to the One who satisfies.
“Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food."